With Valentine’s Day approaching, many are out there actively hunting for that special someone that will give them something to rub in everybody else’s face, and allow them to go out on a Friday night without fear of additional ridicule.
Of course, temporary love isn’t easy to find and can often require you to look outside your own world. The same likely goes for video characters, but since they are too often bound to their own worlds due to licensing issues, I’ve decided to do the leg work and find romantic matches for them in other gaming worlds.
So with apologies to any additional fan-fiction this might inspire, here are 10 star crossed lovers of the video game world.
The Witch and Pyramid Head
As 30 Rock character Tracy Jordan once said: “Freaky deakies need love too.”
Considering their mutual history of abuse this relationship might be doomed to fail, but there’s clearly some untapped passion here that needs a romantic outlet. I give em’ a month together, but what a scary and intriguing ride it would be.
Master Chief and Samus
The internet has been playing with the idea of this one for years.
While I hate to justify the legions of fan-fiction writers out there who’ve concocted a series of eroticly disturbing run-ins involving these legendary characters, the match is too perfect to ignore.
Rather than contribute more ammunition to theories regarding what happens when these two take their armor off, I’m just going to say a game featuring these two would be pretty bad-ass, and leave it there.
Max Payne and Princess Peach
Sure Princess Peach may have grown up in a childishly innocent world of lavish royalty, and Max Payne is an alcoholic who lived in New Jersey, but there is the damsel in distress element to consider.
Max is at his best when trying to rescue a woman, and Princess Peach is seemingly never not in need of rescuing. Put it all together, and you’ve get two people of peril in a perfect match with each other.
Sofia (Battle Arena Toshiden) and Niko
Two Eastern European bad-asses that are looking to get away from their violent pasts and settle down into a normal life, but somehow keep getting drawn back into the fray?
Sometimes these things just write themselves.
Nathan Drake and Lara Croft
Again this one is nearly too easy to call.
In fact, let’s just dwell on how much everyone would hate the sight of these two together just as they hate all couples that are just too perfect for each other. There’s something about two young and highly attractive treasure hunters being together that makes you just want to puke.
Carmen Sandiego and M. Bison
Well they both have a thing for wearing the same shade of red…so there’s that.
But really this match is due to both parties obsession with the world. Carmen’s a world class thief that can’t be bothered to stay in one place for too long, and Bison is a megalomaniac with global domination on the brain.
A shared love of travel, long term villainy, and a certain crimson shade? That’s amore.
Dante and Bayonetta
Gaming has a long history of demon hunters, but painfully few have been of the female variety.
As such Dante will have a lot of competition on his way to winning the heart of the voluptuous Bayonetta, but the fact that her work was clearly inspired by his (and the fact they share a stylist) would probably give him the edge.
Scorpion and Morrigan
As a succubus, Morrigan is known across the gaming world as an obvious beauty that soon turns into a dark evil when she gets bored.
While Mortal Kombat’s Scorpion is rarely cited as a “beauty,” he does understand the burden of being a competitive demon with a real dark side. It might not sound like a lot to build a relationship off of, but good things have started with less of a spark.
Ezio and Faith
Parkour runners are an interesting lot. They defy death constantly with escapades that nearly everyone is entertained by, but are generally considered insane by anyone not participating in them.
Their mutual athletic interests may get these two into the same room, but it’s a shared sense of rebellion against the man and a non-aversion to violence that would probably turn this relationship from athletic fling, to future suburban house shoppers.
King and Tina Armstrong
It’s not easy being a professional wrestler. It requires equal ability in athleticism and theatrics, and even if you become a success in the field, there is always the lack of general respect for your work to consider.
Not only do King and Tina both know the rigors of that life, but they’ve also devoted their free time to participating in globe spanning fighting competitions. When these two get together it might look like they’re fighting, but don’t be fooled kids…they’re not wrestling.